Do you ever think about all of the time you waste and all of the things that you could have done while you were, for instance, re-watching parenthood for the umpteenth time? And by the by, I still can't believe umpteenth is a real word. It's the most non-word sounding word I've ever heard.
I really want to stop wasting so much time and get a hobby. I'm so over trying to draw and paint for some reason. Which kind of makes me sad because when I look back on some of the portraits I drew last year, I think that it somehow wasn't really me that did those and I could never do those again even if I tried. It's kind of like how I used to be a fricken awesome pianist. I look at the 15 page Bach I used to play... memorized... and think that somehow that wasn't really me and now I'm just useless and can no longer do anything awesome.
I think I'm just in some sort of creative funk. What I'd really like to do at this point in my life is figure out some awesome memory things that I can make for my mom, grandma, and oma or something and give them something meaningful for Christmas this year. I think that, especially with my oma's cancer and my grandma's surgery this past year, if I don't do something like this now, I may never get the chance.
As I get older, I'm thinking more and more about the meaningfulness of my actions and what can I do to be meaningful in the world. To my friends. To my family. And just to people in general. I don't feel that since having kids that my life isn't meaningful, but sometimes it does feel very small. I know that I have an impact on my kids every day and that raising them well will mean that they will go out and impact our world, but I feel that I have more to offer than I currently am and that I can do better.
There is one thing that has been on my mind a lot, and something that I got surprisingly fired up about, and that's that there is no girls program at our church. There's a boys program that runs mid week for ages k-6, and then of course co-ed youth programs, but nothing or girls k-6. I couldn't believe it! A church with resources like ours should definitely have a program like this. These girls are seriously missing out on something amazing. I remember my days at Pioneer Girls like they were yesterday and I strongly believe that this mid week club shaped my morals, values, and belief system from such an early age and gave me awesome female role models in the church, not to mention deepened friendships that I still have today.
I spoke with one of the children's pastors who told me that they had no one to run the club. I told her that without a doubt, I would be on board to commit to running it and finding volunteers. I think she could see how important I felt it was after our discussion and we talked the following week.
Our church is in a transitional period because our pastor recently moved to be the head of something something and moved out to Sacramento. She said that we can't make any changes until the new pastor is here and we have time to get to know them, then discuss it with them. And by them I mean him and his wife. SO, anyway, now our church has found a (potential) new pastor, who is candidating this week. It should be a couple of months before I (hopefully) can develop a relationship with them and figure out the necessary steps for getting this thing going next September, which would be a perfect time for me since my baby will be old enough to be home for a few hours with Stuart in the evening.
I don't know if running it would mean I would need to receive some sort of official training through the baptist church to be a children's pastor or something. I don't know how official running something like this would be, but I'm really excited about the idea. And if I were to become a children's pastor, that would be something I've never considered, but if it's the next step I need to take to impact some young peoples lives and fill a gap in our church, I'm all for it.
Anyway - that's what may be on the horizon for me.
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